You Just Went Too Far Man!

I received this in an email and thought it was the best thing ever so I had to share...please enjoy!! (Warning may be too graphic for men to handle)

This is an ACTUAL letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. I about died laughing because it's very true - the words "Have a Happy Period" are really on the piece of paper that holds the wings together.

Dear Mr. Thatcher: I have been a loyal user of your maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flex-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi-pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out of control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Forman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants....which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fu**in kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness, actually smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI - unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything happy about a day in which you jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi-pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like Put Down the Hammer or Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chose to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shy*t. and that's a promise I will keep Always.

Best, Wendi Aarons Austin,

TX PC Magazine's 2007 Editor's Choice for Best Webmail Award Winning Letter